The Daniel Fast (Day 18)

•January 31, 2014 • Leave a Comment

Day Eighteen: God’s Joyous Table.

Today I had a remarkably happy day. I had a smoothie for breakfast and helped take the census of homeless people in our community. I met this one couple that was exceptionally wonderful. They talked about the snow and where they were from and assisted us in locating more so that the city would have an accurate count and get proper funding. Sometimes I’m confident and will start the conversation and other times I am a hotmess and need others to start it. As much as I love people they make me nervous, go figure. When I do get to experience them it’s like beautiful. God’s creatures are unique and interesting. I guess it’s my anthropologist coming out. I love walking places and experiencing adventures in the simplest forms. Everything comes alive in my head and I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

In the devotional the story where Peter sees Jesus and he immediately throws himself out of the boat and runs to him, abandoning everything else. I love this. It’s raw. I want reckless abandon in my love of Christ. A part of myself can be related to Elsa from Frozen: Conceal. Don’t feel. Don’t let them see. Put on a show.

As much as I “don’t care” what people think, I do. I want to be the best. (to catch them all is my test.) Anyway… Once I came to college I was able to open up and become bolder and learn that it’s okay to make mistakes and put yourself out there. If no one does then how are lives supposed to be saved. I still have much to grow in, but I see myself opening up and allowing people to get close. I’ve spent so much of my life trying not to trust in people that let me down. I have probably mentioned this in my blogging recently, but I’m trusting to a fault. I place expectations on others that they don’t meet. I now see this for what it is and don’t hold it against them.

I really love Lee and everything that it has done for me. Cleveland, TN has changed my life for the better. I have opportunities that are one of a kind and I am pushing myself to grow deeper. Parts of my life that I thought were the most important have faded into the background and no longer keep me restricted in my own world of self-doubt. My God calls me whole!!

He is king and Lord of all. He has changed me from the inside out. There are a lot of things I would be without His strong arm holding me up and His kind eyes holding my gaze. Those eyes filled with love and grace. He is the only perfect thing in this world.

My reality is Him…Jesus

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The Daniel Fast (Day 17)

•January 30, 2014 • Leave a Comment

Day Seventeen: God’s Open Table.

I would like to apologize as a blogger to my readers. I am dealing with my own pride and offenses, and took them out on you. Those were some things that I had been reflecting on and working toward a goal to solidify my own beliefs. Sometimes I don’t like me, and God is taking on a journey and you happened to come alongside me in a rocky moment. I needed a hand and it was there.

As I reflected today God really showed me how passionate and happy I am about life. I like that about me. There are many things I don’t, but this, I do. I love knowing that people are filled with the joy that is inside of me. It’s apart of my light spreading into those who need it.

I’m just really really passionate!! Everything about me gets excited about love, life, adventure, and pretty much everything. I love God and Jesus. Their love has sustained me through life and its crap. Whenever I start to doubt myself, yes I talk to my human companions, but I run to God and allow Him to be with me. Sometimes I don’t hear His voice, but I know He loves me. And a God that saved me from the crappy person that I am is a keeper. Through Him I strive to be better, through Him I achieve joy. This joy will last through pain, doubt, fear, isolation. It seems ludicrous, but it’s true. God’s love is bigger than my confused and wondering mind.

Fun Fact:  I give fun facts about myself that are embarrassing so that people feel relatable and more at ease. Hopefully, the more embarrassing I am the better other people feel about themselves.

Maybe this makes me a good leader, or just a weirdo telling people their awkward moments no one cares about. Either way I use quirkiness to my advantage. I do worry that it doesn’t work, but oh well.

I don’t like people to feel alone and  really try to make an effort that no one does. Loneliness is the worst, and I would never ask anyone to endure it. If you are feeling alone; I’ll be your friend. (And so will Jesus, give Him 15 minutes of quiet time and He’ll show you.)

Love you guys!

 

The Daniel Fast (Day 16)

•January 29, 2014 • 1 Comment

Day Sixteen: God’s Safe Table.

My family really didn’t sit around a table unless it was a special occasion, even Thanksgiving we’d gather around the tv. it’s just what we do. You can say your statistics about families that don’t eat together, but mine’s doing just fine. We sit in the living room, interrupt the movie and say what we want. No, we don’t sit at a table for a formal meal, but we have fellowship. This whole argument is based on worldview and family life. Mine didn’t need a table to get across our communication, yours may. Do not condemn a family for watching tv while they eat to have kids that are “more likely” to do drugs. I honestly talk less at the dining room table, and feel pressure to make small talk that is meaningless. This is just what developed in me from my family situation and how I grew up. Others may be the opposite, there might even be a third option that works best for a family. Communication happens in different ways for different people, and parents need to focus more on their kids patterns rather than forcing them to talk at dinner. 

I don’t liked to be forced to do anything really. I hated be told to be nice to my sister. Where’s the reward for me if I’m being nice for you and not because I genuinely want to. So, naturally, I did what I wanted. I’m not and wasn’t a bad kid, i’m independent and want you to be proud of my choice to do good, not my mindless obedience. To some this may seem disrespectful. I respect them, but I guess because I don’t show it in the average way I’m rude. I don’t want to be controlled by others expectations of me. I want them to trust that I am good and that I will do it because of that reason. 

We all have a worldview that develops because of our conditions of life. We come together attempting to force our personal view onto others and get angry when they don’t see the same shade of blue. We’re different and that’s what makes us interesting, that’s what makes us grow. We grow as humans, as Christians, as children, and as parents. Listen and observe, learn how your child, friend, or parent interacts and begin to respect them by attempting to enter into their worldview. I, bu no means, am saying completely give up your own sense of peace to be forced to make them happy. But act in servant hood towards them, and if the situation leads to stress, communicate. Tell them, it is your right to be happy as well as theirs. 

Communication is the only way to peace. Communicate with God, with your siblings, with your parents, and with yourself. 

The Daniel Fast (Day 14)

•January 27, 2014 • Leave a Comment

Day Fourteen: God’s Table.

I’ve been reflecting heavily over the past few about society and their expectations of Christians and me. 

I sell myself short when people with “liberal” thoughts claim their stances and I feel that mine aren’t good enough. What if they think I’m intolerant and judgmental. I allow people to let me not be who I am and be what I believe because I don’t want them to feel hurt and rejected. I only want to see people walk in their full potential. I can’t stand people selling themselves short. God has called you perfect and it is our job to live up to His blessing of redemption. I understand the difference in conviction, but should you condemn me wanting to be set apart? I want Christ to shine through me and I don’t want any inhibitions to hinder that. I know I have sins that need to be removed from my heart, and I’m not claiming to be any less than someone else’s. There are things that happened to us and parts of our mind that hold on to and distort truth. What the Bible says is truth and if you aren’t feeling conviction for something that is shown as wrong, then maybe there should be a conference call with you and the Lord. It isn’t about conviction when there is something hindering freedom. Sometimes we just need to sit down discuss the past and work through it to look at the present. Without complete freedom from the past there can’t be a complete present and future. God wants to make you whole, wants to call you His. There will be distraction and pain at every corner but it is His love that we brag on, not our own. 

“I may be weak, but your spirit is strong in me. My flesh may fail, but my God, you never will!”

These words are all the truth needed to know that it isn’t our own strength and wisdom to rely on. I desperately want to go back and fix my rant to be theologically and politically accurate, but I’m not going to. This is my heart’s cry and concern, and I won’t let fear take that from me. If you are offended by this, ask the Lord to show you why. Let Him open you up, so that you can be free. Live in your potential. 

The Daniel Fast (Day 10)

•January 23, 2014 • Leave a Comment

Day Ten: God’s Listening Table.

Recently, whenever I need to have a come to Jesus meeting with the Lord I envision us sitting at a table like in a conference. I enjoy it because I know He’s taking me seriously, I can trust Him to tell Him exactly how I feel. Not being an accountable person can really influence your witness of the Lord. Sometimes I don’t keep things to myself that aren’t mine to share, but for some reason I don’t mind telling my secrets. I have become better with this problem.  Being a woman and have the character trait of learner makes it easier to fall into the gossip train. I know immediately when I step on and I usually regret every minute of the ride. I ask forgiveness and move on resting in the Lord for strength. I want to be someone that God can entrust secrets of His kingdom to. I Wang to be someone He can rely on. I want to be someone my fellow neighbors can rely on. Not many people come to me for help, but I’ve always wanted there to be more. Maybe I’m not ready or maybe I’d be no good. God knows my heart and holds it in His hands. I follow His leading and walk the path He has called me to.

Let the Lord reveal to you your weeknesses. He is one to turn them into strengths. Open up to Him, don’t be nervous. Don’t be scared.

For the Woman I Found Dead in the Starbucks Parking Lot

•January 22, 2014 • Leave a Comment

Legionwriter

I thought you were sleeping. It seems silly now, but you must understand, when one sees a person slumped over inside a parked car, the most reasonable conclusion is rarely that the person slumped over is dead. It was the lights from the dashboard that caught my eye. If it weren’t for the lights, I would have missed you completely, and – who knows? – you may still be lying out there, unknowing of the legions of addicts drawn to the verifiable Mecca of caffeine. You’d remain oblivious to the following day’s massive local windstorm and the city’s collective anxiety, followed by elation, when our beloved Seahawks won the big game. You might still be slumped awkwardly over your console, and I suppose your car would be run dry of gas by then, but folks would not be any more observant.

I say it was the lights on your dashboard…

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The Daniel Fast (Day 9)

•January 22, 2014 • Leave a Comment

Day Nine: God’s Compassionate Table.

Tonight’s service at The Extreme was so fantastic!! Mark Casto brought another word straight from God. We need to rely on God’s love us when in battle and to stand firm on His truth. All we are is human, made perfect through Him and operate through Him. He is everything and we are flawed. Thank goodness for Him loving us, may we keep a repentant heart!!

I can’t stop thinking about people who are lacking His fullness. The revelation God gave me for the post What We’ve Forgotten is so much more relevant than I could imagine. It applies to every facet of our lives. He is what completes us, gives us enlightenment,  heals our hearts.

This post isn’t long, but it’s my outpouring for today.

Love ya.