The Daniel Fast (Day 19)

Day Nineteen: God’s Perceptive Table.

I know it’s technically day twenty right now, but I’m just now getting a chance to write.

Not unlike the Indonesian story that Pastor Clark describes in the devotional; God did a 180 to me, as He usually does. They expected a church to be built and I expected much more for myself. I have been dealing with some depression, and I really believe it stems from my expectation and hope in people failing more often than not. I move on after a few days, but I work myself up. Though it isn’t unusual for myself to obsess over everything. I went for a walk to distract myself from my constant berating thoughts, but when I got to Schimmel’s the swingset was taken to I turned around to walk aimlessly around campus. I had a Pocahontas “which path do I take moment” and it was beautiful. Let’s just say I didn’t choose the smoothest course, metaphorically. I talked to a few friends, but found myself sitting alone in the PCSU on the verge of tears. Before I took this walk (or any others that have happened over my Lee career) I knew I had expectations from God to send something to change my day and mindset. Usually it’s small things that I see and move on, but this time He sent two friends, the last friends on earth I would expect to show up. The team in Indonesia didn’t expect a dinner with the people to produce better strategy for the building, but God does what He wants.

It’s slightly embarrassing to be sitting alone in the PCSU, especially when people that day kept asking if you were ok when you aren’t quite sure how to respond. They came up to me and started talking, and eventually one of them asked if I would let them pray for anything, and you know, I just really appreciated this. God didn’t have to send them, and there have been times when He’s done nothing. But I really needed this. They prayed with me and I felt special, like God wanted to talk to me again in forms other than my mind. I have never doubted God’s presence so I don’t worry over those matters, but I do miss His manifestations of His love for me.

God gave her the words Purity, Destiny, Life, and Purpose. Sometimes I feel as though my efforts and caring get passed over, but I was reminded of the times that it doesn’t, that people do fell peace when around me. All I want is for people to be changed by God’s glory shut up in my bones. She also felt led to tell me that I have harvested my talents well. There is no better feeling than hearing that God of proud of you. To know even when you feel like crap He is making something of you.

I just want to encourage my readers that if God hasn’t shown Himself to you recently, hold on. He will show up. Right when you need it. (This is getting almost to cheesy for me, but it’s real life.) I had been in the best of moods all week, the minute I’m depressed and sullen, He sends to agents of faith. I appreciate people stepping out in boldness. I should do it more.


~ by banton11 on February 1, 2014.

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